Every noise bothered me. My mind just would not shut off. I lay awake fighting the urge to eat. Then I get up, walk to the kitchen, get out a cereal bar and a glass of water. I cave.
That was last night. It could have been worse. Luckily we have cleaned out most of the food that would really do damage. And that is all I have, so that is a small victory.
That’s not really bothering me. What led up to it is. Not the sleep issue. This is much deeper. An enemy has returned. My old nemesis – Doubt.
I’m over 30 days into this latest attempt. I’ve logged my food for the past 20+. I’ve upped my exercise, even though it isn’t where I want it to be yet. I’ve done the steps and had success. Actually, this stuff has become part of my life and I only think about it when I need to log food or exercise. I thought this was life now.
Doubt haunts the corner of my mind and the deepest recess of my soul. This nemesis lurks so deep down that I often forget it is there. When Doubt surfaces, there is a physical jolt. The power is unbelievable and it stops me from sleeping.
There is no rational reason for Doubt to talk to me now. I’m growing and succeeding every single day. Doubt doesn’t seem to care. Doubt only sees the slow, steady progress and tells me that I’ll never do enough. It tells me the process is forever, so I might be ok now, but what about five years down the road.
Then Doubt starts telling me how I’ll never make that half-marathon goal in four short months. It mocks me. There isn’t laughter but a derisive and dismissive snort. I can feel the smirk and eye roll. Doubt’s full power is being unleashed.
I need to fight this thing off. Stay the course, work hard and do not give in. One of my favorite quotes is, “Adversity doesn’t create character; it reveals it.” I believe this and I will find out what my character is as I fight Doubt.
#intentional #choosemypath #FatManRising