Frustration Hitting Volcanic Levels

It’s been three weeks since I last blogged. I decided to really concentrate on my eating habits and other aspects of my health journey. Well, it started it out well but now I cannot even explain how frustrated I am.

I lost nine pounds in the first 11 days. Dramatic if taken out of context. I am a big guy (duh, the point of the blog) so that much weight when cutting out sugar and white flour is to be expected. Plus, there is water weight involved in the beginning.

In the next 11 days, not only does the scale not move down, I gain 2.5 pounds back. Why bother?

Why sacrifice if I can’t lose the weight anyway? And I don’t want to hear about “overall health” because without the fat coming off, I’m still in danger of major health problems. Healthy and fat may be possible but it is rare and I’m not going to count myself to be that lucky.

I’ve hit this problem in the past and given up. I think anyone who struggles with weight has been here. Most of us just give up, hence the obesity epidemic in our society. 

It’s so much easier to go ahead and just eat whatever I want. Keep running, working on my core and strength, and hope for the best. My running times are coming down. I like the hard work there and see results.

As I write this, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Right now, I really want to head out to breakfast, order a giant plate of biscuits and gravy with a side of pancakes, and eat myself into a food coma. 

I want to run. The problem is my mind is just messed up with this inability to continue to shed pounds. Looking back, I always seem to struggle to get below this 215ish pound zone. I get down to about 212 or 213, then bounce back up, get frustrated after a couple of weeks and go back to unhealthy habits.

The choices are clear – suck it up and find different ways to adjust until progress is made or give up and live like an unhealthy fat guy. I know right now the easy way, the way I’ve always taken, looks really good. I mean it looks like a road paved in pizza good. 

And the worst part, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve written some hard blogs over the past 10 months. This one is as tough as any. When I’ve reverted back in the past, I did it in anonymity. I just did what I wanted and slowly gained weight back. I was fat anyway, so it wasn’t much of a change.

Now, I have made this more public. Granted, it’s public with mostly people I know, there’s nothing on the line except personal health, but it is still a much bigger deal in my head. I’m not afraid of failing publicly. And I could have just stopped the blog, no one would have said anything.

So, what am I going to do? I don’t know. And that’s the worst feeling of all.