Fear Factor

I was cleared to run this last Wednesday. My excitement level was through the roof. So, why haven’t I run yet?

One word – fear.

This surgery took a lot out of me. I’m tired. It is no secret that I will feel this fatigue until I get moving. My head knows. My heart wants to move. Yet fear keeps winning.

Fear of being winded. Fear of being slow. Fear of failing. Fear of, well, being far from home when the “urge” strikes. Given the surgery I had, this last one is legit.

Fear has ruled my life before and I really thought I was past the worst of it. My willpower and desire had that beast of an emotion in solitary confinement in a deep recess of my being. I didn’t think the monster could escape.

Now I fear I’m back to square one of this journey. Rationally, I know this is not true. I’m nearly 36 pounds down. I’m not winded going up stairs, or even just standing up from the couch. I still feel better than I did last year. But, the running was a huge part of what I was doing and when it was suddenly taken away, I regressed.

Mentally I need to be tougher. I can picture a few in the Sub-30 Club throwing the #SIUP hashtag at me. Fair enough, they are not wrong.

I have a choice today – get moving or don’t. It is up to me. I know what I want my choice to be. Want isn’t enough. Action is what determines future success. Time to want from the couch or take action on the pavement. #bebettertoday