I want my own divine inspiration. Maybe it is all me. Maybe I just need to work it up. Raise my standards like Tony says.

Seems so hard. Is life supposed to be hard?

I find myself with more and more questions on the sense of what makes sense.

I am nervous because a lot of the christian paradigms are starting to not make since to me anymore. I love God. I want what is right and good. I want a higher purposes. But I am just trying to wade through all the noise that is thrown around and just find some truth. That seems the hardest thing to place sometimes.

Be who you are.

I have responsibilities…. There is a type of guy in my head I want to be. And I feel my apathy getting the better of me. I feel addicted to this apathy. This sluggishness is in my marrow. How do you fight something in your marrow? Condition yourself for easiest effort.

When did it change? When did it change from living life with some grit and focus…feeling it in your body…in your being…… changed to being something your saving yourself from the pain and inconvenience it now brings.

When did our inconveniences change? When did living life start to become inconvenient. Who sold us on this idea? No…. really? Who sold us on this idea that it is too hard to be in control. It is too hard to think for ourselves outside of the demands that are placed on us by responsibilities. You might as well be dead. You’re not living. You’re not breathing. You’re not thinking. You’re not fighting.

We all feel like sleeping beauty…victim of whatever that stops us in our tracks. But some of us get to comfortable. We enjoy sleeping and it is just to bright outside anyway.

You slow down. And you slow down…. and you slow down.

And you turn off the engine that drives you inside. You turn it off and you rust. Weeds start to grow around you. Things start getting into your life you never wanted to invite in. You have this taste and this desire inside of you still but it’s too hard to get this ol’ rusty soul cranked up. I have been sittin for a while and maybe next time. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe sometime, maybe, maybe, sometime, sometime.

……..

………….

………………   Then you just stop talking about it all together.

You know when you scrape the hell out of the bowl/plate/whatever until you decide your done.

You ever do that to yourself? Where you just feel so addicted to food that you’re leaving no crumbs?

Savor life.

If only we can savor all of life like that! That is what I think. This craving, this desire to savor that is designed in us….. we need to not slap ourselves on the hand.

Life isn’t catholic school with Nun’s, ruler in hand, ready to attack any attempt of enjoyment. Reward yourself by expanding your palate of pleasures in life.

Oral pleasures don’t make a satisfied life. Remind yourself. What feels better than looking good in your bathing suit on a beautiful soon coming summer day? What feels better than being able to pick your kid up and put him on your shoulders in celebration of the big game win? What feels better than being able to walk down the aisle feeling comfortable in your skin? What feels better than……..? A satisfied life is an active one daring to live.

Savor Life.

Have you been living life lately? Come back to life. The invitation is there. It always has been.

Smile. Today is your day. Take ownership of it. Enjoy it with a newspaper and OJ  in the morning watching the sunrise crest the landscape. Do something today that you haven’t made time for. Get out of the house, turn up the music, drive somewhere till you find something worth discovering.

You remember all those desires you have in that heart of yours? Quit living solely off the pleasures of your diet. That isn’t living. Earn your obituary. Let something more be said of you. Have more to say for yourself. Respond to life instead of reacting with food.

Criminals and Fat People have something in common… you live long enough in your prison you become afraid to leave it’s safety. But you were never meant for a prison.  You’re better than this. Don’t lie to yourself, prisons aren’t safe there a death sentence. Get out before it takes the life you were meant to live away from you. Your youth had more ambitions! Challenge yourself. Choose to look at life with a more fulfilling lens. Capture your thoughts and choose life.

Put down the fatty scrape.

I know it may be scary, but find who you are again. You can do it. Your life is waiting on you. The skies the limits. That’s what makes humanity so special.

Download “Good Life” by One Republic and turn it up. Now smile and repeat after me.

“_(your full name)__  ………. Welcome Back!”

Savor Life.

I got a chuckle out of it as I think every true fatty has thought this at one time or another. I know I have. We would never do it of course but this illustrates the frustration we have with our weight. This angst of desperation building up inside, wanting more out of life.

DON"T CUT YOUR FAT OFF. Healthy Tip for the day from FMC.

Well I want to tell you fatty google guy that you are normal. Please don’t cut off your fat…. we don’t want you to actually harm yourself…. but I don’t think you wrote this to actually see if you could. I think you wrote this out of shear frustration from what fattydom is doing to your life. And I say, “Good!” We need to get some angst and frustration….. we need to use that feeling for us instead of against us. How do you do that. Sit down and write out why you want to cut your fat off. Take some time for yourself and invest back into your well being. Sit down and write out all the ways that your weight is trapping you from your desires. Write out all the ugly parts that no one sees. Write out how it pisses you off. Get it all out. Now read over it a couple of times until you read it and the whole letter resonates and articulates all of your feelings of fatness and frustration. Now write out all the things that would be different if the weight were gone. How you would feel, think and live. What differences would be your favorite.

Now look at them both side by side. Now realize that all your small choices day to day have led you to one of these papers. And I can probably bet it isn’t the one you like. So what do you do? Take the sobering moment and use this extreme thought of cutting off your fat for you and not against you. Start cutting off things from your life at the root of the issue. Your daily choices. You must change the way you live. Your career, kids, marriage, etc. is a direct reflection of your choices….. so is your fattydom. Want out of the fatty club? Then you have to choose it daily like an alcoholic chooses to not have a drink daily. Choosing to say no to destructive momentary pleasure for the pleasure of enjoying a full life. It begins with you having some personal responsibility over your choices and where they lead you.

You didn’t get here because your gut decide to revolt against your body and make you fat. This is a symptom of unhealthy choices. It hard to hear that sometimes so I applaud you if you made it this far.

One thing you know by looking at this guy. It wasn't genetics.

Want to hear the good news? The great thing about this is your not trapped to a life of addiction. As your learn and change your choices you will go from feeling the frustration of an unhealthy life to feeling the numerous rewards of a healthy life including putting the unneeded shears away Look at your list you wish your current choices led you to. Add your dreams and desires in life and start making the small changes daily to get you there.

I was talking with my Exercise Physiologist yesterday about my comprehensive workout plan. I asked him what he would say to those fat people out there wanting to get back in shape… wanting to join a gym…… but they get to the gym and they don’t know where to start. His advice? Just start something. Instead of cutting off the fat with something sharp cut off the fat with your daily choices. You know that is the only way it is going to happen. You have to decide, fight, sweat, plan, prioritize, follow through, and and and. You know what you need to do to get started…. and the good news is you don’t need to know everything to get started. You know enough to get started. No more excuses. Start walking until you figure out what you should do next. Start eating fruits, vegetables, and grilled chicken until you figure out a healthy diet that works for you and your needs. Just Start.

Quit playing dead in life. You want more out of life apparently or you wouldn’t want to get rid of the hardship that you feel is holding you back. Living starts with choosing to live every day. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow. All you can control is today. So make today count. You may not see the end result today….but today mattered just like your past days mattered to the point that your contemplating grabbing the scissors. Each Day Matters. The affects of today will reflect in your future. Let today be the day you decide to live again.

Now the questions is….. do you want your life back? Grab a pen and some paper and begin reclaiming it back. You can do it. I believe in you.

A normal fat guy posing for a picture normally thinks of trying to get the most slimming, best looking picture of himself taken. But not so with this photo. On the contrary for an “OFFICIAL BEFORE PICTURE“ he trIes to brick it as hard as possible and be as fat and tacky as possible so when he does his reveal it can be the most dramatic difference possible. Purely for dramatic effect.

But how do you do that without getting depressed over how fat you are? You get a sense of humor and realize moving forward means as soon as you take that photo you are moving forward in health from it. You realize the only thing to be depressed over is if you stay there. You allow it to be motivation that you hang on the wall. A reminder of what you are running from and running towards. So you don’t forget.

I started searching through my own collection of photos to see if there was a photo worthy enough of the title ”The Official Before Picture“. I searched high and low and frustratingly couldn’t find a picture that would work. And then the girlfriend snapped it one day on the way out. I had decided to rock it as tacky as possible that day which explains the outfit…but what explains the tacky? I don’t know. I think I pulled it off…what do you think?

So without further ado I present to you my OFFICIAL BEFORE PICTURE.

The Official Before Picture of Chad Curtiss 02/2010

It took seven years and a journey deep within herself, but today the newest member of the Joy Fit Club weighs in at a trim 165 pounds.

Burns showed off her new figure and shared her story with Joy Fit Club founder Joy Bauer and TODAY’s Matt Lauer Monday in New York. To illustrate how much fat she lost, huge buckets filled with 410 pounds of lard were piled on risers on the stage. Next to them stood three TODAY interns — two women and one man who together weigh as much as Burns did before she lost all that weight.

The Joy Fit Club consists of men and women who have lost and kept off 100 pounds or more. All of them have done it by diet and exercise; none by surgery. Burns is the 72nd member of the club — but none of her predecessors has lost as much weight as she has.

A life of limits

“Food was my drug of choice,” the 50-year-old woman told Lauer and Bauer. It took the failed suicide attempt to force her to discover that.

At the time, the list of things Burns couldn’t do was endless. She couldn’t visit friends for fear she’d break any furniture she sat on. Couldn’t get in a car. Couldn’t go to the movies. Couldn’t attend to her own hygiene without help.

She couldn’t pick her foot up high enough to climb even one low step, couldn’t take more than two or three steps without gasping for breath. Just standing for more than a couple of minutes caused severe pain in her hips and back.

Even sleeping lying down was a near impossibility.

Burns was going through five liters of oxygen a day. She had hypertension, restrictive lung disease, sleep apnea, respiratory insufficiency, obesity hypoventilation syndrome, venous stasis insufficiency, diabetes. The right side of her enlarged heart was failing.

For years, Burns had tried every fad diet without success. But, she said, the secret to finally taking control of her body and her life came down to “working from within — from the inside out.”

Walking a long road

It didn’t happen overnight. In the letter Burns sent when she applied for membership in the Joy Fit Club, she recounted how she began losing weight by dieting alone. That took her down to 403 pounds by December 2006.

But she was still finding it very difficult to breathe. Her doctors implanted a tracheotomy tube in her throat and told her that she would have to live with it the rest of her life — unless she lost at least another 120 pounds.

“The trach was my wake-up call, as I did NOT want to have a trach tube sticking out of my throat for the rest of my life,” Burns wrote in her letter. “I knew at this moment it was ‘do or die.’ ”



Three TODAY show interns who combined weigh as much as Tammey Burns once did were able to fit into a pair of the pants she once wore. Next to them is stacked 410 pounds of lard — the amount of weight Burns lost.

The Joy Fit Club consists of men and women who have lost and kept off 100 pounds or more. All of them have done it by diet and exercise; none by surgery. Burns is the 72nd member of the club — but none of her predecessors has lost as much weight as she has.

Tammey Burns, who once could barely take a step, became a competitive race-walker.

Burns still takes thyroid medicine, she told Lauer and Bauer, and she remains diabetic, although she controls that without having to take insulin. She is considering surgery to finally remove all the excess skin left over after her weight loss.

“My perspective on life is positive and healthy,” Burns wrote. “God is taking me on an amazing journey to give hope to others.

“I am preparing for my certifications as a personal trainer and wellness coach,” she added. “I am training to be competitive in race-walking events. I cannot imagine returning to my formal dismal state, because life is an amazing adventure … if you let it be.”

“I don’t even know you, and I’m proud of you,” Lauer said with emotion. He asked

Burns what advice she has for others who have despaired of ever losing massive amounts of weight.

“Quit the fad diets,” Burns replied. “Make it a healthy lifestyle change. Work on your emotional issues, and combine exercise with a healthy lifestyle change.

“And focus on your goals — not the struggle,” she concluded.

By Mike Celizic
TODAYshow.com contributor

I have grown up with hopes and dreams like any other person. I want to be an Author. I want to be a great mind. I want to be a husband. I want to be a father. I want to be financially successful. I want to have a life that makes a difference in the world around me. This list could go on and on.

This list of hopes and dreams…… it is the accumulation of the memories I look forward to making. And you know what the common element is in all of them? I am thin and healthy. I have a picture in my head of that life…..but in real life….. I am frustrated realizing that I am passing year after year, memory after memory, that I once dreamed accomplishing in a different state than I am.

I have all these fat memories to look back on instead of the thin life fantasy I hoped it would have been as life keeps moving forward regardless if I choose to or not.  The problem is I am missing milestones completely and living with regret and unsatisfaction. And the common thread through missed milestones, regret and unsatisfaction? Me, allowing my weight to stop me dead in my tracks until I die in my tracks. If I don’t do anything I won’t have anything of value to look back on.

Life can be challenging when your day to day destructive little habits accumulate and dictate your life. Sometimes we just need a pick me up. Sometimes we need a personal trainer for our mind to inspire us back to life again. And that is how I will introduce this next video. Hope you have a great day and recapture who you are again.

New Year, New Life-Don’t be trapped by the calendar. Create the life you want right now. Here’s where to start.

—————————————-

Forget the resolutions that you may or may not have broken already; resolutions are nothing but a wish list of what you want to have happen. Instead resolve to make a real change this year.

Here’s a message to get you on the path to momentum, and true lasting change. (Here’s a hint: It’s about making progress happen in your life.)

Wake up and take action-a New Year and a New Life doesn’t just happen on January 1.

Reader:

So I just spent over an hour reading your blogs and watching your videos. And I want you to know that I also struggle with weight issues and I am on a journey myself. Ready for some complete honesty???

Here goes…

I have been thin all of my life until I got pregnant with my first child. I got very ill during pregnancy with Toxemia and was on strict bed-rest for about 5 months and gained over 60 lbs in less than 4 months. After an emergency c-section and a perfect little baby boy I was left very overweight and very out of shape. It took me over two years to recover and lose about 23 lbs only to end up unexpectedly pregnant and very sick again. Put back on all the weight and then some. Another emergency c-section later I am in the worst shape of my life.

I used to be a very confident, healthy, active woman. My husband married me as a thin, athletic, attractive girl and I have become an overweight out of shape unmotivated mother of two boys. I usually do not even get out of my pj’s. My poor husband! I just want him to be attracted to me again.

Another thing that I struggle with is the fact that people treat me different now that I am fat. Men used to talk to me different. Women honestly used to be mean to me simply because I was attractive. They would stare and whisper and talk behind my back. I used to get hit on just about every time I left the house! Man, I could tell you some stories! But now on the fat side of life, it’s like I am in another universe. I wish I could describe it. It’s like I am invisible! Men don’t even notice that I exist and women are friendly to me. I am kind of bitter about it actually because I see how the world really is. And it sucks!!!

So, I’ll make a deal with you….

You pray for my success and I’ll pray for yours. I know, I know! People say that crap all the time…”I’ll pray for you!” But I really mean it! So, what do ya say?

Anonymous

________________________________

Fat Man:

Hey Anonymous,

Thank you so much for your email!!! I was deeply humbled by your honesty and transparent struggle. I agree that it is a different quality to life on the fat side!

There is such a strong prejudgement associated with it that others just don’t understand. I personally tried to make up for my obesity with personality. But in the end I feel like “Who am I kidding….I am just the funny…thoughtful fat guy.”

I am blessed that I have a beautiful amazing girlfriend…… but it also affects that relationship.  Most of the time it is all great and happy and her love for me doesn’t see the fatness…. then it creeps up and complicates something and the lens gets pulled back and she sees it and it affects us. I see it in her eyes. It may take a day or may take a week to bring back the lens that looks past it.

I understand your frustration with my own struggle even though yours has it’s own form that it likes to taunt you with.

My girlfriend sent me a link to an open casting call for a weight loss reality show….. at first I was frustrated but I realized it was out of care for me and our future. So I applied and it went well. I now have two networks talking to me and a bunch of other items going on in the background. But at one point it didn’t look like anything was going to happen with the TV show and I was right back to dealing with this enormous struggle by myself again that I am “supposed” to deal with……… and felt like I was dealing with alone…..again.

That is why I decided to start my blog. I needed help to make it, where I could connect with others in my struggle and we could help one another. Not for fame or fortune but just for help. I needed help and so I went for it. I have come to a realization though through all this and it is……………. screw everybody else in their judgements……. Amazing stories always start with a great challenge. I decided instead of resenting people for their opinions and behavior I would use the opportunity to learn about myself and what the truth of who I am is. People will always have their opinions and see the way they see.

But in the end, I made the decision that my story…… my life….. was going to be a beautiful tale of challenge, redemption, recovery and hopefully making a difference. In the end it will just be me standing before the Lord to account for my life……. and I want him to be moved by more story…….my struggle……..my challenges……..my overcoming….. my ability to learn how his heart thinks and sees through the lens of my life.

Like a great movie you walk out of and can’t find words for because your moved by the epic tale of a man or woman overcoming against the odds of opinions and circumstances and coming out whole on the other side. I want Him to be moved by my life…… At the end of the day that is what helped me pick myself up and move forward. You’ve gotta have hope.  Without hope life is meaningless.  Without hope life is meaning less and less.

Don’t let people judging the cover art to the book of your story make you feel less than the amazing tale that you are. The greatest novels looks like any other book without the book cover sleeve….. It is the content inside that makes it so great. People will judge…. but some people will see…. and be inspired….. and your story is what people will remember. So focus on that. Let you define you again.

All that to say….. Thank you for your email. It moved me.

And I will definitely love to partner in prayer for each other’s success.

With love for your amazing story that is unfolding day by day,

Chad
The Fat Man of FatManChronicles

Wanted: Next hero of Hope. Wanna apply?

I was speaking with a friend recently and they were expressing their happiness at seeing me go after my health regardless of if the TV show works out or not.

I appreciated the encouragement but the truth of it is….. I can not have all my hope wrapped up in the possibility of weight loss reality TV show to regain control back over my life.

I told the casting producer the same thing….. “Regardless of if you decide to choose me or not, I am tackling this mountain in my life. It would be nice to have a mutually beneficial relationship… but if you don’t choose me…. I am still getting my life back…. with or without you. I have to come out on top and not six feet under. This truly is life or death and I choose life….not a TV show.”

And I meant it. I realized it is not wrong to have hope in the prospect of a TV show….. just not ALL my hope. I have to lay a foundation of hope from many channels….. my blog, partnering with people, my relationships, my goals, my wedding day, my freedom in life. I have to place pieces of my heart in each area of my life so the sum total picks me back up again.

You’re destined to have hope falter in each area at any given time. Rough days happen and you may lose some battles.  But let the foundation of hope that still surrounds you help pick you up, brush you off, and help you continue to move forward.

So let’s redefine the age old question… “Where does your hope lie?” to “Where are you placing your hopes?” (Quantity matters in this battle….. hope is your ammo…. stock accordingly so you don’t find yourself in the trenches and out of ammo.)

Write them down….put them on your mirror….. do whatever you have to do to surround yourself with them. I assure you they will be there to help pick you back up and dust you off and encourage you to move forward again. That is the nature of hope…… Hope persists and survives through all measures of calamity if you keep looking for it.

Look at Haiti…….. Calamity strikes……. and Hope persist through the outpouring of donations and aide from the entire world. Hope is always around the corner.

Sometimes it looks like a TV show, sometimes it looks like a blog, sometimes it looks like a wedding day, sometimes it looks like playing with your grandkids, sometimes it looks like a mid-life crisis.  Sometimes it looks like FOX for Conan O’Brien.

And sometimes it looks like finding yourself in the midst of the storm and anchoring deep to the truths that can hold you in place. You are more than an annotation to the story of life. You ARE the story of life….. and we as humans are and have always been a species of hope and triumph against great odds. Welcome and don’t forget who you are.

Dare to plant hope around your life. Your hope should not look like a tree but a vineyard….. because sometimes life happens and certain plants don’t bear fruit….. be nourished with the life you planted all around you. It will makes the losses infinitely smaller and more manageable.

To help encourage you on your quest I have compiled a list of some of my favorite quotes regarding hope:

Hope you enjoy

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.

Christopher Reeves

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”

Anne Lamott

“Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible.”

William Sloan Coffin

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”

Barbara Kingsolver

Hope is what led a band of colonists to rise up against an empire; what led the greatest of generations to free a continent and heal a nation; what led young women and young men to sit at lunch counters and brave fire hoses and march through Selma and Montgomery for freedom’s cause. Hope is what led me here today — with a father from Kenya, a mother from Kansas; and a story that could only happen in the United States of America. Hope is the bedrock of this nation; the belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is; who have courage to remake the world as it should be. [January 3, 2008]

Barack Obama

The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams.

Elizabeth Gilbert

To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful “magic skills” that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.

Erik H. Erikson

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lin Yutang

Hope is the physician of each misery.  ~Irish Proverb

Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.

George Weinberg

Sometimes too much fuel is to much fuel. So have some leftovers!

One amazing thing I have rediscovered is leftovers! Holy Crap why have I not been doing leftovers in the past?! There is something about taking control over your food on your plate and saying “no” to some of it. You get to practice saying no for your well being’s sake….and the best part is you are saying no for “now” and enjoying it later which you will then be thankful for. Who knew that the simple act of actively choosing to set aside some of your meal for leftovers would be a helpful weight loss tool.

You know I may be a fatty that commonly didn’t have leftovers or even portion control, but all these small little changes add up. And that is what I have to remember. The small changes are what add up and make the victory happen.

I feel like I have grounded myself away from food. I want it, but I can’t have it because I am grounded and I am not allowed until the punishment is over and I have learned my lesson and recovered my health. I guess in a way it is exactly that…..frustratingly that……but necessary for my growth as a person. I am choosing to do some self parenting and no longer be this kid staying up past his bed time, eating dessert for breakfast and doing whatever he wants because he can….. since no one can tell him “no” anymore.

I remember growing up building a list of all the things I wanted to do when I got free and on my own…… it consisted of things like watching “White Man Can’t Jump” (wasn’t allowed to see it because it was rated “R”) and “Showgirls” (Obviously……….boobies!!!) and eating a whole thing of cookie dough and a full pack of pop tarts…..and…..and…..and…… everything else my Mother for good reason said I couldn’t do. So I got old enough to be on my own and guess what? I did those things and haven’t stopped and more until I finally said “No!” at the beginning of this year.

I chose to grow up….really grow up… not just grow older. So many people stay at a certain age of maturity…..their entire lives…… it is sad….meeting 40 year old who is 12. It took me till I was 27 but hey, at least I am not 40.
So thus, I am grounded……for the goal of becoming more grounded in right thinking and right habits………miserable at time, but appreciating the fact that I know it is good for me.

I put on the weight in small amounts so it makes since that these daily small victories will help me reach my goal. What small victory can you make today toward your BIG goal?